Following on from my last post. In case it’s not clear, although this is a holiday, it could be anything that you change to make your life feel better. Go with your gut. It’s always right in my experience.

It’s raining heavily again, I slept through the dry hours 😂, so lots of words today.

As some of you might have gathered, this is not the first time I have gone away on my own on holiday. If you are following my instagram stories, you might wonder how any other kind of holiday would be possible for me 😊. It’s not a big decision, it’s just how it’s worked out but there’s something about travelling on your own that’s special and a bit nerve-wracking.

The #sparklepufftours label was set up in 2013 so Instagram has a back catalogue of delights which I often look at. Facebook goes further back of course. It’s nice to have the photojournal although it’s all in my head of course 😊.

Some of you might never have travelled alone, others might do it all the time, others might find the idea horrifying. It falls into the same ‘slightly frightening but good for you’ activity category as learning to drive a Campervan. It is not always my number one choice but it is always worth it.

So, my very first holiday was on my own, aged 9. I wanted to go away to Camp Beaumont for a week. They have rebranded since then and Kingswood is their residential camp, while Camp Beaumont does day camps. I think I had been reading lots of Malory Towers books about boarding school and thought it sounded much more exciting than being at home in Yorkshire. I did my research (just as I did this time) and concluded that although PGL sounded good, Camp Beaumont had a cuter logo (some kind of bear) and nicer hats and I begged to be allowed to go. My parents (used to me by now) agreed but confessed years later that they were terrified when they dropped me off at the big old school in the Lake District for the week (as of course was I but I also kept quiet). I was the second youngest in our dorm and the only vegetarian for miles. As I recall, I hated it but also loved it in equal measure – sounding familiar? I remember I wrote a postcard home saying I was having a fabulous time as I was worried the camp leaders would get cross if I told the truth (that I desperately wanted to come home). We had midnight feasts and terrible food and I just remember it raining all the time and that Carlisle Leisure Centre featured heavily in our week.

Bronwen (8) had been there for weeks and I remember that made me sad. When they picked me up (no doubt several years older with worry), I apparently told them it had been f***ing brilliant! No doubt a very proud moment in their lives and clearly I had learned more than how to shoot a bow and arrow and abseil down a rock that week 😆.

I have travelled on my own since then; as a teenager in 1991, desperate to practice my languages before my exams the next year 🤓, I packed a very heavy rucksack (never again) and travelled from Leeds to Berlin then on to Paris 🇫🇷 by ‘plane, navigating the metro and RER to get myself on a train to Tours (in the Loire Valley) to stay with my wonderful French pen-friend (still friends to this day) Sandrine. I had come from Berlin 🇩🇪 and my other pen-friend Rebecca and a visit to an American Football game and a crazy nightclub with Joscha (we’ve had more sedate meetings since then as grown ups).

As a fully grown person, there was a long pause where I holidayed with boyfriends and other friends and often, the intensity of the holiday environment didn’t bring out the best in us. I am hoping this sentence brings a wry smile to some faces. There’s nothing like a holiday to test a friendship/relationship. As kids we always used to know how long my Uncle’s latest relationship would last by how the holiday went. It was a highly accurate predictive tool. That said, recovery from bad holiday experiences has deepened many a friendship for me over the years – no experience will leave you without a positive lesson of some sort.

When I first took flights on my own, I used to worry in case I never made it to my destination and no-one would know about it; I used to have a glass of wine or gin and tonic, if I was feeling flashy, to take the edge off. That fear wore off and it wasn’t the booze that did it! – anything can happen anywhere so there’s no sense in having those worries on your mind 🙃.

Since then I’ve been to Las Vegas, New York, Tokyo, Hawaii, Los Angeles, Tromsø, Sagres, Gran Canaria and lots of places in the UK on my own, trying to learn Spanish, surfing or just how to relax 😂 – many of you, my friends, have travelled much more widely and boldly (I tend to stay safe with my destinations) alone and I’m intrigued, I don’t think I could get that brave but maybe I could? What do you think?

In 2015, I did Christmas Day in New York alone. I ate cheese fondue in my favourite restaurant – Artisanal – which I have just discovered has now closed down 😢. I felt I needed to prove I could do it. Maybe like some people set themselves physical challenges?

I was 39, about to turn 40 in January. I was given invitations by friends to join them that day but I felt I needed the peace. The focus and quiet you get being alone at such times is cleansing and intense but tough. I was able to think about the people I really really miss – my Dad, my Grandparents, a lost love – and then channel it into new energy. After lunch I went up the Empire State Building for a foggy view of NYC and spent a quiet evening in my hotel room with Home Alone 😍

I’ve never been the back-packing type (apart from that one rucksack in the 1990s), in fact, Helen and I failed on our inter-railing trip by falling out in very hot Greece before we had even got started 😬🇬🇷. Ah. I had (like many of us!) such poorly controlled emotions in my twenties, sorry everyone 😘.

On some trips such as in Northern Norway where I saw the Northern Lights – I remained on my own and had the fright of my life when I arrived, completely forgetting the pin for my debit card (Tromsø is pretty remote and cold in February) and panicked that I would be stuck, penniless for several days and stranded. Thankfully, I learned that your debit card pin for shopping and for bank machines are on different systems so if you mess one up, the other will still work. HOOORAY! On this bleak yet magical trip I had a bumpy (not much recent snow) dog sled ride with a stranger and joined a night tour to see the lights, which remain the most beautiful thing I have ever seen; like the scene in The Snowman where they all have a party in the forest. So many colours, like kryptonite dancing from the sky. Impossible to photograph in true glory.

Only the green and hints of red tend to come through. Also, chasing the lights is the coldest thing I’ve ever done. I reckon it’s an ideal job for Kitty (with some extra anti-freeze) or a hot tub under the stars. This was all I managed with very cold paws.

Other times, I met new life friends (Sarah in Portugal and Caroline in Gran Canaria) or in Tokyo for example I stayed with Saroop and Matt when I got there as they were living there at the time so had an insider’s view. It was nice being with a family for a few days too. Very cosy.

I often did and do feel alone, that’s not only logical (I am) but to be expected. I don’t usually feel lonely though as I recognise that the two states have very little in common when you get to this age. I see plenty of lonely couples or groups of people on my travels and at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I love your company but I also love to adventure and sometimes, given my flexibility (this year very much excepted!) it is hard to match with other people’s schedules. This year it was my own medical schedule I had to battle with. Maybe next year will be the year of travelling with other humans again…who knows 🤔?

So the moral of this ramble is – give it a go – sitting in an elegant restaurant full of retired couples (Jersey) of an evening might make them feel awkward and give you a nervous twinge but it will make you feel very special and brave indeed as you polish off your pudding, in that case the ball of tension in your tummy is OK. It’s you becoming bolder and learning and it might just be the pudding 😉.

Oh and you don’t even have to travel to do this. That’s the magic of doing things on your own. You don’t have to go far but it is fun if you do.