We’re all vulnerable now.

It feels scary doesn’t it. For some more than others right now.

For some of you, this might be the first time you have ever felt vulnerable, to this extent at least. Life is, all of a sudden, out of your control. It is terrifying. It’s not your fault, but it is your problem. It will change your life forever and you urgently need people to understand.

Fortunately, most people do right now because, to one extent or another, we are all impacted by this pandemic and the stringent measures required to check its rampant progress.

This is what it has always felt like to be vulnerable. Usually though, you’re on your own.

In my case, I last felt this vulnerable when I suddenly became seriously ill in 2017.

I almost lost my business. People tried to buy it from me ‘on the cheap’ while I couldn’t even think past the next week, others offered to help but that ‘help’ came with a price tag I couldn’t afford. I had to borrow money, apply for benefits and adapt my way of life. The banks didn’t want to help me, I battled for months for help from them while I recovered. I fought with my health insurance company for the funding I needed. I fought with doctors for the right treatment and the care and consideration I needed. I made some good decisions and lots of bad ones.

The fact I was able to articulate my needs and fight for help was held against me; I was deemed too ‘well’ to need help. I was judged. People judged how I spent my time and my money during that period; many still do.

My body was changed forever with very little time for me to process the consequences or decide on my options, I had to work while I was enduring brutal treatment, I had to rely on help when I wanted to remain independent. Wonderful friends supported me during this time but many more left me to flounder. They had no idea of the impact of this disease on my life and never tried to find out. Many have still never asked how I really feel.

Neither I nor my business have fully recovered yet but we were making huge progress after some very very hard work and a lot of support; and now this…

Strangely, what’s happening right now feels so much less terrifying for me. Why?

Because you all finally understand what it feels like.

You know it’s not my fault that my business will now struggle like everyone else’s (not to the extent of many but it will be tough nonetheless) and even the government is willing to help me this time. The banks are responding in hours (not years), under pressure to offer assistance if needed and people are offering their skills to one another to ensure all of us get through this in one piece.

I’m not angry. I understand.

Sometimes you have to experience something to truly understand, to be able to empathise and see the world through another’s eyes.

My plea? Never forget what this feels like. Ever.

You worry you might not be able to feed your family, protect your ageing parents or make ends meet. You worry you might not get into your chosen university or be able to take the A-levels you had planned; you won’t get to say goodbye to your friends. You might lose your job or your home. These are real fears and it is unpleasant and intolerable.

For some people, they have been feeling like this, in silence, for months or years with no-one to share this with.

One day, when all of this is a strong, violent yet distant memory, you will come across someone who is vulnerable and needs your help…

Don’t judge them; listen to what they tell you and help them maintain their dignity as they struggle with issues you cannot truly understand.

Know that they (like all of us right now) will feel scared, confused, ashamed, guilty and embarrassed by their situation…Why didn’t I have more insurance? Why don’t I have more in savings? Why did I take this job and not that one? What kind of parent am I? Why didn’t I take better care of my health? Why am I on my own? What should I do for the best? How will I cope? Why didn’t I ask for help sooner? … and that all they will be seeking is help, time and patience to get themselves back on their feet.

Judgement does not serve us. Empathy does.

Stay safe, be kind. Sending you all lots and lots of love. This too shall pass.

If I can help you in any way at all, ask me; I will listen and I will understand x

This song feels right for now